The Watcher
Emma Sheikh
I am a firm believer that birthdays are truly the foundation of our society. A totally pointless celebration yes, but they affect almost everything:
When you’re 16 you can drive.
When you’re 18 you can leave.
When you’re 21 you can drink.
Now, you might be thinking: Thanks! You just told me the most pointless, useless piece
of information. How does this tell me who you are? And that’s my point: It doesn't. My birthday has nothing to do with how responsible I am, or my passions, or even my greatest fear. Except it does.
I was born on August 5th. If you’re wondering, my zodiac sign is Leo, which is yet another useless, completely non-scientific but fundamental societal construct we tend to identify with that are influenced by birthdays. You, who is judging this piece might turn me away because of this, as the fact that I am a Leo determines who I am compatible with, and who I am destined to become. It’s not, but that isn’t my point.
As an end-of-summer birthday, I get to be the youngest in my class. And also late to everything. Everything.
I spend the entire school year watching people throw birthday parties, get their drivers license, apply to pre-college programs that I don’t qualify for, and get hired for jobs I’m “too young” for. So what does Summer mean to me?
It means being left behind.
When you start The Race late, you have to run faster. So I work harder than everyone else just to be on the same level.
I practice driving early to get my license as soon as I turn 16, I work on my non-profit organization in order to make up for my lack of volunteering, and I apply to jobs early. Sometime before the writing of this essay I would have told you I have no idea what i’m running from or running towards, I’m just running. But I know now, it is fear. The inexplicable, gnawing feeling of being left behind. Left behind like my mother’s dreams, left behind like my father, left behind like my country and my people.
Those are the words that have been etched upon my skin and sewed into the bones I call mine. Summer for me is filled with studying, planning, and working so I can always be one step ahead, because when life doesn’t give you lemons, you make your own.
And then The Birthday rolls around, and instead of feeling satisfied, I spend my day in bed. Because as soon as I have caught up to everyone else, they start running again.
And all I can do is watch.
